What do you get when you throw three newlyweds and one recently separated couple into room with wine, cooking utensils and a camera crew? Epic, car crash TV.

Tonight’s episode of Married at First Sight saw all four couples get together to ‘compare’ each other’s relationships. The experts say that this is to help them build their self-esteem, but forcing newlyweds to compete over whose relationship is the best seems sort of counterproductive…

Anywho, as we saw last episode, Jono and Clare are donezo. He’s moved out of their love nest and Clare’s French Bulldog, Dutchie has taken back his rightful place as king of the castle. The pair haven’t seen each other for four days and Jono has been ‘ghosting’ Clare by avoiding all contact and refusing to respond to her texts. So, obviously the next appropriate thing to do would be to get the twosome together over an alcohol-fueled dinner party to talk through their issues.

The remaining three couples, Erin and Bryce, Christie and Mark and Simone and Xavier (who are honestly irrelevant in this episode, because it’s all about the demise of Cl-ono) arrive in the Blue Mountains for the messed-up dinner date and they all seem to be getting on smashingly. There’s loads of hand-holding, eye gazing and sneaky butt grabs (*jokes, but it would’ve made this boring intro scene so much more fun).

Jono arrives alone and the other couples are busting to grill him about what’s going on, but are trying to play it cool. Then, Clare arrives and things really start to heat up.

Jono tries to explain their relationship by saying that the “Honeymoon was awesome and we were getting on like a house on fire,” but continuing on that their personalities clashed once they returned to Melbourne.

Clare does the most impressive eye roll that Australia has ever seen and makes a sharp quip back.

For the next five minutes we’re blessed with a ‘he said, she said’ that manages to bring up every little issue with each other (you know how it is – ‘well on April 5th, he left a half-eaten bagel on the couch, blah, blah, blah’).

Clare wins this battle by describing Jono as ‘An. Absolute. Prick’, but then manages to become ‘that’ dinner guest by announcing that she’s a gluten-intolerant vegetarian’.

After everyone finishes eating (minus Clare, because she’s on a diet of air), the boys head outside to discuss ‘boy stuff’ and the girls stay inside to talk about feelings.

Then, Erin pops out of nowhere and grills Clare over her relationship with Jono by saying,

“No offence, Clare, like, can I be totally honest with you? You use words like, ‘Oh he threw a temper tantrum’. And then you roll your eyes. Honestly, he’s been very, very respectful of you and he’s never said one ill word of you since the second he got here. But you seem to have a lot of negative things to say about him.”

Which is true in theory, but Erin obviously hasn’t heard all of the ‘not so respectful’ things that Jono has said to Clare over the past few weeks.

Anyway, after Erin  has finished judging a complete stranger’s marriage, she manages to insult Christie by telling her that she thought she’d had botox.

Phew – if that wasn’t enough drama to last the night, we’ve also heard that our favourite loved-up couple, Xav and Simone have broken up! She’s been spotted without her Wedding ring, he’s seeing someone else and one of his “friends” has divulged to New Idea that he was on the show for the fame, not true love.

Images from 9now.com.au